Basically my entire blog has mostly been about me having depression, from what I experienced to how I coped with it. I’ve accepted that I have depression, and have become so much better, as my last post even talked about getting off my medications.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist the day after I wrote that post, and again I brought up continuing to decrease the medication because I want to completely be off it in the near future. He strongly argued against it saying that if I go off it I will relapse again (thanks for the optimism), and that is because I have bipolar disorder.

…..Um. What? Since when am I bipolar?

He had mentioned it before, but I convinced myself it was just depression followed by a small psychotic episode, and that they were isolated incidents due to stress. Now I feel like a bit of my self-confidence about living medication free without relapse is dissolving after I read up about bipolar. Bipolar II does sound very similar to what I have gone through, and according to my research multiple sources have stated this to be a “lifelong illness,” which was very discouraging to read.

I just feel so lost and confused right now. I have spent two years learning about and accepting that I have depression, and now I have to accept and learn about a new diagnosis all over again?

I have decided to continue weaning off my medication, unless I start feeling unwell, and I will probably just continue doing all the things that have helped me feel better. After some thinking I realized that maybe a diagnosis isn’t all that important. What’s important is that I know my mental health is very sensitive, and I need to take precautions to be aware of that and shield it from outside stressors. The moral of all of this is that maybe I should stop focusing on having another diagnosis, but continuing to focus on staying recovered.

 

About Elena B.

Elena is a 21 year-old college student, sales associate, and volunteer living with depression and generalized & social anxiety. Formally diagnosed with social anxiety in high school, Elena has struggled with it for the majority of her life. During her first year of university she experienced high levels of anxiety and had her first major depressive episode, which was followed by another the following year. Since then she has been recovered and focuses on her recovery daily. She currently runs a tumblr blog, where she shares inspirational quotes, images, and tips to help others with their recovery. Follow Elena’s story on HMC’s Supportive Minds Blog.

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