“Depression. Your daughter has depression.”
That word echoed in my head. I was pretty convinced that something else was wrong with me, it couldn’t be depression, but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t really know or understand what exactly was going on with me.
My doctor continued, “I recommend we put her on medication, but it won’t be kicking in until a couple of months.”
I’m not a fan of medication, but at that point I felt like I didn’t really have much of a say. My family and I were desperate; we all wanted this to go away and for me to be myself again. But how was I going to cope for a few months until the medication kicked it? How was I going to continue with school, crying every night and being unable to concentrate ?
That car ride home, felt like the end of the world . I couldn’t have felt more doomed. There was a mass wave of negative thoughts coming my way: Something is wrong with me, it isn’t depression, anti depressants aren’t going to work, I’m not going to get better. I had to keep going to university. I was only a few months into my first year and at that point I already dropped a few courses. It was exhausting for me to just make it to class. How am I going to make it?
I was right about one thing, that medication didn’t work, I became worse. It is depression I was experiencing, those overwhelming negative thoughts, inability to concentrate and constant crying. It wasn’t me, it was depression. I got through those months of school and winter by mostly sleeping; it was the worst couple of months of my entire life, but I made it through.
I did get better.
Surprisingly, good did come out of it all. I learned so much more about myself and finally had the free time to do whatever I enjoyed and to try new hobbies. I learned so much more about mental health and recovery, which sparked my passion to help others. I would never have thought about pursuing the field of mental health and social work if it wasn’t for my experiences. I’ve also been able to accomplish everything that I’ve wanted to and more in my life. Hopefully, my personal stories will inspire others to have hope for recovery.
About Elena B.
Elena is a 21 year-old college student, sales associate, and volunteer living with depression and generalized & social anxiety. Formally diagnosed with social anxiety in high school, Elena has struggled with it for the majority of her life. During her first year of university she experienced high levels of anxiety and had her first major depressive episode, which was followed by another the following year. Since then she has been recovered and focuses on her recovery daily. She currently runs a tumblr blog, where she shares inspirational quotes, images, and tips to help others with their recovery. Follow Elena’s story on HMC’s Supportive Minds Blog.