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I always keep a journal in my purse in case I have ideas for blogs or thoughts I need to get out of my head. A few weeks ago I had this idea to make a list of things I “want” and how I “want to feel” and this was the result:

I want to feel unencumbered.

I want to know what it feels like not to hide in plain sight, what it feels like to be able to be easygoing, spontaneous and free, because I am none of the aforementioned.

I want that elephant sitting on my chest to find a new home; not in my brain or in another part of me, even if it’s temporary.

I want to know who “myself” is, so when someone says “You don’t seem like yourself” I know who they are talking about.

I want to stop looking over my shoulder, wondering when anxiety is coming.

I want to stop the feeling of suffocating from the inside.

I want to breathe deeply and take it all in.

I want to look in the mirror and recognize the person staring back at me.

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I want to sleep and have good dreams and not dread going to sleep.

I want to be fearless.

I want to be courageous.

I want to make people understand what it feels like to have this brain.

I want to escape my thoughts.

I want a break from a racing mind overloaded with thoughts.

I want to shake it off,  let it go, forgive and forget.

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