Never give anyone the power to make you feel small. I know that it’s easier said than done, because I myself have done it so many times before. I’ve come across many people who’ve made me feel very small, even ones who I thought the world of. Sometimes we want to give people the benefit of the doubt, and give them too many chances.
I’m sure you’ve all experienced at least one toxic relationship (of any kind, be it family, a friend, or romantic). What is a toxic person? They are that person who’s condescending, manipulative, and mean, and you’re afraid to tell them things because you know it’ll end in a fight. How long can we take that until we realize how unhealthy it is? Sometimes the bad will outweigh the good.
Sure, maybe you grew up together, but that doesn’t mean anything. I’ve said it before – time really doesn’t measure much. It just makes us think that because we’ve known someone for a long and our initial thoughts on that person were positive that we are now stuck in that relationship forever.
Let me tell you what someone once told me: you are never locked into anything. Simple, but so incredibly true. And so overlooked. We constantly feel trapped, like we HAVE to do things. But you don’t. Follow what’s best for you. What’s best for the other person. The likeliness is that if they are toxic for you, you’re not good for them either. So cut ties.
When I say I’m doing things for me, I don’t mean I’m throwing my previous values away. I’m always going to be the kind of person who will often think of others first. I just mean that when it comes to making the right decisions for my life, I’m going to. I’m not going to do things that hurt other people intentionally, I’m not like that. I never have been. And if you really know me, and value the relationship we have, then you’ll see that. I’m just going to be more aware and not afraid to stand up for myself . I’m not going to do things just because someone expects it from me. I am vastly flawed, I will be the first to admit that. Sometimes I’m not the greatest person, and I shut people out or I mess up. But I’m human. That’s what happens. I do my best to be understanding and accept other people’s flaws. I want nothing but to be a good friend, daughter, sister, girlfriend, person in general. Sometimes you just can’t give certain people enough, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s important to know where you want to stand with them.
Life is hard enough with mental illness, and balancing everything can be hell. It’s hard for people to understand why you are the way you are. I have even found that other mentally ill people have a hard time understanding someone else’s illness. The only thing you can do is try your best, and ignore the put downs and unwanted comments from people. It’s hard not to let words get to you, especially if you’re sensitive like me, but lately I’ve realized that if you know who you are then that’s all that matters. You know the truth, and so will your friends and family. If someone else can’t see it, then shame on them. That’s their own problem.
The sad truth about life is that sometimes you’re going to be someone’s life boat, and then when you’re the one sinking they’re going to be an anchor, keeping you under the water. It’s up to you to decide whether or not you rise back up to the surface and float.
When all your friends have come and gone,
And the sun no longer shines,
And the happiness for which you long is washed away like an ocean’s tide,
When all the hard times outweigh the good,
And all your words are misunderstood,
When the day seems lost from the start
You must follow your heart
-“Against the Grain”, City and Colour
About Emma Holden
18, tea enthusiast, animal lover, word writer, and wants to change the stigma on mental health one blog post at a time.