I’d like to touch on a subject that has hit me really hard the last week…when is it okay to stop a medication because of a bad reaction? At what point do you say no? 

I started a new medication prescribed by my doctor called Abilify. This medication was supposed to help with my recent bout of serious depression which I believe to be postpartum depression at its finest. However, my doctor seemed different with his approach. He urged me to try Abilify stating that there could be a possibility that now I may have Bipolar Disorder.

Now I’m not one usually to question my doctor’s advice. I told him I really thought that it was post partum because I just lost a baby 3 months ago, but I went on the medication anyway. Within 3 days I could feel the effects of a bad reaction. I went against medical advice for once and stopped the medication but the reaction still lasted for about a week and a half and it was really not fun. My symptoms included tremors, nervousness, and feeling  more emotional than normal. The reaction actually somewhat put me back into the frame of mind that I had when I was first ill. The true psychosis I felt was flooding back to me and this really scared me. It’s surprising how quickly you can fall back into old ways of thinking and habits when messing with medications. I’ve read up on Abilify and there are a lot of side effects listed that I was feeling but I also looked up post partum and the same symptoms were listed. In the future I will question my doctor more for information before starting anything new.

I have since gained my footing back and I have decided to stick post partum out the natural way. I am going to talk to a licensed psychiatrist again for the first time in years to explore my doctor’s theories, as well as my own. I will hopefully have a better idea of what’s going on and what to do about it. Having a mental illness flare up again is hard but having it flare up after a loss of a child is extremely difficult. It’s been a total rollercoaster of emotions. Is there a chance that I may have developed Bipolar Disorder due to this recent loss? Do I mess around with new medications right now in life, with all of what’s going on? When does the crazy train of pills end? So I’m going to stick my hands in the dirt and see where my mind takes me.

So in my personal opinion if you are going through a stressful time and are questioning switching or adding new medications, I would really sit on it and research information before you do. Your doctor doesn’t know everything. Getting different points of view from professionals first is always a great idea before heading out into the great unknown. I know this now and have taken note for the future.

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About Natasha Sinclair

With every recovery, there's a story to be told. Especially with Mental illness. Some of the most remarkable recovery stories come from these individuals. I am one of them. I'm a successful 33 year old Pastry Chef, but I'm also diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and Addictions Disorder as of 8 years ago. I want to talk about the many aspects of recovery. For years now I have devoted myself to my BPD Website, local guest speaking and a volunteer for local Mental Health events. I would like to share information I have gathered about BPD through experience and research. Positive and hopeful information on BPD is scarce in social media today and should be brought to the forefront like other Mental Illnesses. I would like to offer information both scientifically and medically I have found through research that may clear the air a little bit on Borderline. I feel this needs to be done more. The many different facts that I have discovered relating to human emotions and behavior are mind opening, which are key components to think about when journeying into recovery.

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