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If God is love and love is the most powerful emotion you can experience, is it no wonder why we may feel closest to God when our emotional frequency is dialled up higher than all the numbers combined?

Yet, with my little bit of knowledge I can explain to you that the chemical basis for the feeling of love is simply: nerve growth factor, oxtocin, vasopressin, dopamine, serotonin and norepinehphrine

At the height of hypomania, past the earth’s hemisphere there was something different I’ve felt a few times in my life. Yet still, riddled with guilt and shame in the deepest depth of depression, dying to succumb to my suffering it’s God I looked forward to.

The closest you can come to death is the depth of your emotions.

There’s an article I read about what a Shaman sees in a mental hospital. “Mental disorder, behavioral disorder of all kinds, signal the fact that two obviously incompatible energies have merged into the same field,” says Dr. Somé.  These disturbances result when the person does not get assistance in dealing with the presence of the energy from the spirit realm.” What struck Dr. Somé was that the attention given to such symptoms was based on pathology, on the idea that the condition is something that needs to stop…”

I found his views interesting.  Acknowledging that most people with mental illness suffer because of not being able to be normal…and we die violently when our efforts to be normal lead us farther from being normal and even farther from our true selves.

Most of society looks up to the sky, aware of the sun, moon and other planets–taking it as fact that there are millions of stars in the sky, along with whole other universes, yet, you say something like, “heaven” and people become skeptical. As is there’s no way in hell there can be a heaven. As if you must be crazy to believe in God.

Some of us acknowledge that this life and our physical existence is temporary but yet we may not see that our experiences are gifts. And if “we,” for whatever reason, can arguably “feel” more than the other 95% of the population, both the good and bad, then maybe, just maybe, we were meant to…

Maybe if we cannot be normal for the life of us, than maybe we weren’t supposed to be.  As if something had safeguarded us from it.

Genetic, environmental, and biological factors make-up why we have the gift or the curse of something like bipolar disorder. But God blesses you so that you can bless other people.  And for me, it’s no surprise that most of my favourite artists, authors, and actors have bipolar…

In my own life, I relate. Convicted on several counts of conspiring to kill myself, whether consciously or unconsciously, some sort-of spiritual miracle saved me.  I am thankful to have helped people, been the best friend, brother, buddy, boyfriend and mentor to a variety of others; emotionally abundant enough to enrich those in poor spirits while always being available to share in good times.

Still, despite my attributes, which are many, I can almost say I’ve never been able to be really confident with myself.  As if, by a manufacturer’s defect—or pre-set—I’ve had to have faith.

A pastor said to me,  “God is eccentric.”  He picks a man who killed thousands—if not hundreds of thousands–of people who worshiped His one and only Son, to write the better part of a book some call holy, after having a change of heart.

As if God wanted to clearly indicate that there is no amount of guilt or shame He could not dispel.

What’s guilt and shame to someone who understands emotional frequency and their effects on the body?

“Heavy emotions, such as sadness, guilt or humiliation vibrate at very low frequencies, whereas uplifting emotions like love, bliss and enlightenment vibrate at high frequencies…as your energy doesn’t just affect you, but those around you.  Holding onto low-frequency emotions can cause the energy level of those around you to drop.  On the other hand, people operating at a level of 500 or higher can pull up to 750,000 people around them above the 200 level.  Now that’s power!”

It’s God who says something to the effect of He rather us to be hot or cold instead of lukewarm.

Part of living with bipolar is understanding that by design, you need love. Love what you do, love who you’re with, love where you live, and love yourself. Without love, the path to self-destruction is filled with novelty and stimulation but it’s not ideal. It’s only close.

I believe in a Love so powerful we couldn’t kill Him if He let us.  But He would indulge in His fair share of suffering, physically, mentally and emotionally…

Suffering?  Suffering is like…

When you can’t drink enough to drown it, snort enough to stop it, or inhale enough to suffocate it?

What if you couldn’t out-dress the feeling with all the clothes in Harry Rosen’s, or out-drive it with all the models of BMW; What if you couldn’t exercise it out with all the weights in your life?  What if you couldn’t distract yourself from it with all the TV series and movies online; what if you couldn’t outdo it with an abundance of sexual experiences; what if you couldn’t eat enough to quench it, or acquire enough assets to offset “it” as a liability.

It hit me hard when I read somewhere “a man receives nothing if not sent from Heaven”  And God knows I’ve taken a fair shot at His word.

What if all you could do was understand that you’re here to be a blessing to others and appreciate all things, under the acceptance that nothing in this entire world will satisfy you because you were created so that only your creator can; only He, God, Love, could stop your suffering and give you satisfaction.

Wouldn’t that be Holy?

About Mickey Von Bron

Mickey Von Bron is a certified personal trainer who specializes in nutrition, supplements and natural methods of improving health and wellness. Having experienced and overcome many obstacles associated with mental health and addiction, he is committed to inspiring people through his own example. His first book, Drug Free June: A Hypomanic Episode, is soon to be published. You can read some of Mickey's other writing about mental health at AliveAndAwake.ca and Light Way of Thinking.