I’ve spent a lot of time and effort worrying about things I couldn’t control. Just this weekend, I was worrying about all the things that could have gone wrong as I packed, moved and unpacked from one place to another. All the things that could have gone wrong, from the moving truck, elevators and friends who said they’d help. Before that I worried about finding a place, leaving the one I’d been in for 3 years, adjusting to a new area and missing the old one. I worried about making the wrong decision, biting off more than I could chew and setting myself up for depression. The one thing I simply cannot afford because it can easily cost me my life.
Since I moved in all of the worrying about moving and picking a place are gone. I absolutely love my new place. I made an excellent decision. But guess what…instead, I’ve been worrying about new furniture, decluttering and paying rent next month and the month after that. Yes, I am worrying about something 2 months away that really should be a non-issue. I’m by no means rich or what I’d consider financially successful, but I do ok. Yet, I’m struggling today with the things I need to do because something 2 months away is consuming the head space I should be using to maximize today.
I have nothing to worry about so I create something to worry about. When I’m done worrying about one thing my brain is not satisfied; it must do its absolute best to ensure that it finds me something else to worry about. This is the sickness that so much of us suffer from. This is the sickness that had me seeing my doctor almost weekly when I was in my early 20’s. This is the sickness that led to a lot of sleepless nights and all-out benders that almost broke my spirit many times through life. A lot less now that I understand it. A lot less now that I’m mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually healthier than I’ve ever been.
When I think about a worry wart, I picture a wart that grows back somewhere else after I’ve gone through the motions to get rid of it, getting to that end-point where I’ve concluded that there was nothing to worry about in the first place. I acknowledge that worrying about things is compromising the quality of my life and my ability to appreciate things as they happen. Anxiety is very real, and the methods I’ve used in the past to stop worrying were problematic but effective; killing brain cells to prevent them from worrying reminds me of cutting off a lip to get rid of a cold sore. It’s stupid, but I’ve done it. I’ve self-sabotaged myself in order to stop worrying about the possibility of something and simply deal with the certainty of it.
There is a better way. Prevention is better than a cure. It takes practice along with making sure that you’re aware of what conditioning you’ve set yourself up for over the years.
Worrying about tomorrow contaminates today.
There is never any other time but now.
Time to be present.
About Mickey Von Bron
Mickey Von Bron is a certified personal trainer who specializes in nutrition, supplements and natural methods of improving health and wellness. Having experienced and overcome many obstacles associated with mental health and addiction, he is committed to inspiring people through his own example. His first book, Drug Free June: A Hypomanic Episode, is soon to be published. You can read some of Mickey's other writing about mental health at AliveAndAwake.ca and Light Way of Thinking.